sxxk1ttn: (Talia)
[personal profile] sxxk1ttn
you guys.


i've pretty much been on AOL/AIM  for over half my life now, for the first half of that time i pretty much lived on the chat tubes.

the last 6 years or so, i only minimally interact on AIM.  people don't randomly find you there anymore since there are better networking sites available, most of my old chat buddies/friends have moved on to bigger and better things.  since i started at Hunter, i don't even log on except for maybe once a month anyway just to avoid temptation.

Everyone now and again an old flame of mine from 5 years ago, Irish Lawyer*, decides he wants to harass me with friendly, inane banter or try to get sympathy or some shit, i don't even know.  But he lives in Dublin and he's cute, so i maintain the contact in the event i find myself abroad and wanting a place to crash or a body to rub up on.  i've long ago stopped initiating contact because he's full of shit and it always leaves me with a headache and anxiety driven loss of appetite, but he like clockwork will decide to send me an IM every 4-6 mos, presumably for the same reasons as me.  It was a horrific, disastrous implosion of a fling, angry angry angry hate hate hate RAWR we can jsut completely push the other's buttons with no effort at all. I mean, this shit was fucking EPIC.  usually the time in between these contacts is due to an IM that went downhill after 5 lines of dialogue, and sad to say it's usually me (so it seems) who quietly leaves the conversation because i'm so disgusted with the situation.

so, this evening is one of those nights where i happen to be logged on and not invisible he decides he should send me an IM and say wassup.  i'm feeling good, it's early still so i have time to vent the aggravation without losing sleep if it goes there, i've got a so-delicious-it-will-make-you-cry boy i'm fucking these days (i hope he hasn't found my LJ, i sound like such a fangirl, gawd)  to hold as a trump card so i reply back.

we start talking about restaurant week cause i've been at a different spot every day this week, and the conversation is actually civil and mutually enjoyable and lighthearted. it goes on for more than 20 exchanges. this is a TOTALLY NEW THING FOR US WOW.  i say something about a bisexual boyfriend, he says something about "don't even start" lamenting over how he doesn't even have a booty call. i offer mine since he likes peen more than i do, Irish Lawyer states he "doesn't swing" and then goes on the same old song and dance about how "i'm a very different guy from the guy you met in NYC".  EVERY SINGLE TIME FOR NO REASON HE STARTS SAYING THIS AND THEN PROCEEDS TO BEHAVE IN THE EXACT SAME WAY HE DID BACK THEN, it's a total non-sequitor especially given the fact that he was NEVER into guys when i met him and i would remember such a thing because seriously? seriously.  SO what does that even mean you're a different person now from then in the context of liking penis? you were hetero then and you are hetero now, we know this.  Needless to say this is always the part where i start silently LOLing and the countdown to meltdown begins.  Early on when things were still fresh and painful, i would politely point out discrepancies in this statement and he would proceed to throw a hissy fit.  Now that i know better, i don't even acknowledge it and i certainly don't argue the point.  it saves me aggravation and the end result of a flounce is the same.

he then starts recounting all the people close to him that have died recently, as if he didn't already go on about it the last time he felt the need to get validation from me and jesus fucking christ.  his mother died (when he was still here in nyc, when we were still talking to each other 5 years ago), his grandmother, a friend recently, and i know before i met him he told me about some other friend who was either killed in a crash or was a suicide.  the point is, there is no reason to bring any of this up except in a bid to bully me out of questioning him and to evoke sympathy for how HARD his life is.  anyway, i'm tired of hearing this speech, and since there has been a new name added, i point out that maybe i should stop talking to him since he's got a pretty high body count going on.  tasteless? absolutely. something to be expected of me, but without malicious intent ? yep, because that is how i respond to tragedy and SRS BSNS.   anyway, he FLIPS HIS SHIT, it is the point of no return because the 2 of us together have not been able to learn the art of avoiding miscommunication via internet conversation, we always assume the worst meaning, we don't (or we ignore) any possible inflection, we read mean spirited sarcasm behind everything, we are horrible people when we interest.

and on one hand i'm kind of bummed that this lovely conversation has now gone to shit but i'm also loving the fact that for once i CLEARLY have gotten under his skin because it was feeling very one sided for all these years.

so blah blah blah, he's throwing a bitch fit, you can practically hear his voice getting more and more shrill that i would DARE joke about HIS departed, but i don't give a shit because i'm tired of him trying to jockey for position in the Poor Me Olympics with this shit, so i'm like, yeah i dare joke about that shit, my little brother hung himself in my mother's basement AND WHAT BIATCH, you don't have a monopoly on tragedy, why the fuck are you still going on about your mom to ME of all people, it's been 5 years for fuck's sake put it to rest cause i was THERE when all that shit was going down and you do this every time we talk for no reason, you jsut start raving about fuck all trying to get me to feel bad for you.  he is outraged and offended. i'm in the middle of typing something, he clings to something i said about every time he feels like"bothering" me, he goes into this tirade and gives a full on "well you will never be bothered again"



this wasn't a sign off/sign on flounce, i have the IM still open, i can see he is online and available via Buddy info but he's not showing on my Buddy List.

I am so GODDAMNED pleased with myself right now yall. I didn't even have to mention that my new boyfriend has a WAY bigger cock than Irish Lawyer, and Irish Lawyer is nothing to sneeze at.  But there's always the next IM in 6 months.

* the tale of Irish Lawyer is a twisted and sordid one,
i don't think i've fully addressed it in LJ but i may have to just to explain this entry better. Summary:  Late WInter/Early Spring 2003 we started talking on, lot of chemistry, lot of charisma, we met up at a piercing party thrown by the nyu fetish club and hit it off, very hot. very intense.  He's about to graduate from Fordham law at lincoln center, and despite being short on time is still very actively courting me, but then not putting his money where his mouth is.  And i'm NOT the one demanding time, but i called him out on the mixed messages and that i didn't appreciate being essentially lied to.  So we can talk when he's got his shit together after graduation and whatnot, or he needs to provide me with sex ASAP.  He's really hot, has a really nice cock, adorable accent, and this is when i was finally starting to enjoy sex so i wasn't about to be put off by boy stupidness especially when i was putting so much energy into cultivating a relationship with the provider of sex.  it was very make up-break up, we were both big fans of flame wars on AIM so most of this would be giant screaming matches and hissy fits via dialogue box, like i said, very intense, for not knowing each other at all we could provoke the other to our worst by barely twitching a finger. so yeah all that goddamn chemistry and i was stubborn enough to be of the opinion that you can't argue with that kind of chemistry.  I was also bored enough to find this to be a valid way of spending a relationship that summer.  he's also was like 26 at this time to my 21 or some shit, so really, who should be more embarrassed?  So basically we fuck 2x over the course of 6 months, the in between time is spent arguing about why the fuck is he being so difficult about getting his shit together so we can make plans for him to put out more, especially since we're spending 6 hours every night  talking/arguing anyway.  you like me, we wanna fuck, quit with the excuses, what is the problem?  after the last sex, i went on Disney Cruise '03 for 2 weeks in July, and we didn't see each other again though we were talking still.  He didn't pass the NYS Bar exam (lol, all that time spent not having sex with me for nothing!), his mom died of cancer, he went back to Ireland in the fall, the end.  Subsequent IMs about how he plans on being back in NYC soon, he's a different person, he's grown, he was immature rotated every few months and followed by a short conversation that ends with him getting overly defensive about some imagined slight/sarcasm and he flounces.  Or he'd IM me and then start talking about some chick after 5 sentences like i want to hear that shit, so I'd bow out of the conversation.  Then I stopped initiating any contact and would only periodically respond when it wasn't interrupting something i was doing or i was very bored. Cue hysterics, elevated blood pressure, defensivness, irrationality  and pissiness from him, usually in response to me being me- which i don't get. 

The definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior or and over and expecting a different outcome, no?  and yes, i'm talking about both of us here.

Date: 2008-08-01 04:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
but i don't give a shit because i'm tired of him trying to jockey for position in the Poor Me Olympics with this shit

BEST. LINE. EVER!!!!! you had me lollerskatin'

Date: 2008-08-01 12:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
thanks! it's really a shame that he's such a pain in the ass with this disgusting temper tantrum thing because he's awfully cute, charming, and great in bed otherwise.

i saved the IM transcript for posterity. i'll put it in here when i get home from work, it was too late last night to play with the formatting.

Date: 2008-08-01 07:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
can't wait to read the drama!

Date: 2008-08-02 03:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Dear lord but that's a lot of fucked up packed into one story. :)

Date: 2008-08-04 10:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
i KNOW!!

needless to say i'm of the opinion that people exist to ease my boredom, and i found myself very bored very often when i was a bit younger which resulted in these kinds of situations because it's never boring cooking up that kind of a hot mess.

i'm still of the same opinion these days, but i can keep the explosives down to the caliber of a few M80s rather than a nuclear warhead.

Date: 2008-08-04 11:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
And just one more reason I am very comfortable with my position somewhere on the periphery of your perception - safe from the epicenter of explosion.

Of course, should I ever NEED an explosion, I know who to call as my demolition expert. ^_^


sxxk1ttn: (Default)

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